In the past two weeks, the phenomenon of time has, once again, proved to be greater than my understanding. Although I walked slower than usual, paused in places of solitude, and literally stopped to smell the roses, time has still flown. While sitting now in a coffee shop, I reflect on the past 16 days. Tomorrow will be Sunday, two weeks since the funeral, two weeks since the first time I picked flowers from the sprays at Mammaw’s graveside.
Healing is a process. Healing is a day-to-day, hour-to-hour, get-through-each-minute kind of a process, and honestly, I don’t know yet if it ever truly ends, at least not on this side of Heaven. Often, I find myself saying that my grandparents live in Grenada. If someone asks, “How are they doing?” most times, it’s just easier to say, “He’s doing great. Thanks for asking.” The truth is that I still miss her. Every minute of the day, I miss her.
Today while standing at the stove making soup, I made a promise to Mammaw. Whenever I have children–God willing that this happens, especially if I am blessed with a daughter–I promised Mammaw that I will tell them all about her. I will pull a chair into the kitchen and set it in front of the stove. While letting my child stir the contents within a great big pot, I will tell him/her about the many times I did the same thing with my grandmother: making homemade Play-doh by the recipe in Mammaw’s Bell’s Best cookbook held together by duct-tape. We will sit at the table and pour through the pages of the cookbook that she gave me before going off to college. At the end of it, we will find her name–Gerry Harden–and the recipes that she shared within the book. It’s called Endless Blessings, and what an endless blessing it has been and always will be to me…
Thank you for reading my ramblings tonight. Although filled with my jumbled thoughts, hopefully there is one message that will shine through: the steadfast strength that comes from God.
“My flesh and heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.”
No matter what you are going through, God is for you. Your flesh and your heart will fail. Even your greatest efforts, your hardest tries, and your acclaimed achievements will fade in the shadows of the obstacles that seem to stand in your path. But praise be to God that this does not mean that your path is at the dead end!
God doesn’t take us on detours around the obstacles in our lives. Instead, God walks with us through each and every one. It’s in these times that we learn most what it means to rely on God and His strength alone.
“But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.
I cried aloud to the Lord,
and he answered me from his holy hill.
I lay down and slept;
I woke again,
for the Lord sustained me.”
Tonight, cry aloud to the Lord, and He will answer you. Listen for His whisper… Lay down and sleep tonight and wake to the morning sustained by the love and strength of our great Father… He is the strength of our hearts.
Sleep well, dear readers 🙂